MADD (or men against dipshits drivng)

Yesterday I was in line at a stop light heading north with 2 cars ahead of me and 2 ahead of them waiting to make  left hand turns.    Being imaptient I can understand those who zip down the shoulder to make a right hand turn before the light turns red again  and they have to wait.    What totaly blew my fucking mind was the woman and her mother or old lesbien girlfriend, whichever she was, in the SAAB that not only passed the cars on the shoulder but then zipped right back into the forward going lane, narrowly missing a car parked on the shoulder and cutting off the car in front of me.   

I wasnt the one who was cut off and I was even pissed off at the geezer in front of me going 15 in a 30 but I was boiling at the fact this bitch and her bitch passenger had just budged in line.   I havent been pissed off at line budging since elementary school on  tater tot day.   As soon as the driving corpse in front of me pulled into the drug store parking lot to buy some Depends, I gassed it and caught up to the cunt who committed the crime.    I passed her on the right when the traffic lanes split up and gave her a death glare.   Still oblivious to my presence or anything around her I shouted at her fuck up passenger.    No response still as I believe they had invisible horse blinders on….or WHORES blinders.   Unable to get their attention to give them a stern middle fingering,  I then threw a wad of gum onto the side of her rolling Alimony payment.  REVENGE EXACTED!    

Apparently my girlfriend is incapable of adhering to the speed limit in certain areas of town.   My girlfriend is a sweet big boobied red head of Irish descent and has the bitch attitude to prove it when she is pissed off at me for pointing out the faults of woman-dumb…..not woman-dom.    I was recently following her back to my place after a good face stuffing fest at Wendy’s and then renting Resident Evil 2…. the 3rd one is coming out and the best raeson it is classified as sicence fiction is that there is a super hot fucking whore who kicks zombie ass.     We all know in real life the zombie would have fucked her in the ass then eaten her brains…   Luckily for zombies men exist or they would starve to death on the slim pickings in a womans head.    Anyway, back to my original topic.    I was following her home (yes I refuse to ride in her car for 3 reasons.  1 I cant smoke in it, 2 Its a fucking SAAB and 3 Its fucking obvious) and she was tearing ass down side streets that are full of parked cars, kids on bikes and the occasional old hag crossing the street.   I sent a text message telling her (not asking…I shouldnt have to ask her to do anything) to slow the fuck down.    I was completely ignored due to the fact she thinks I am an asshole when I point out the faults in her driving ability (she almost got us killed twice by barely stopping in time before she met the ass end of a delivery van and by steering wildly around a road cone to avoid hitting it as if it had a soul and a family).  I then called her (bad idea I know…women driving and on cell phones at the same time I was exacerbating the situation) and said that if she got a ticket as she flew down a street at 10 mph over the limit where cops tend to hang out, that I didnt want to hear the whining.  Why is it that when a man does something idiotic he atleast knows the outcome or consequences and does it regardless and when a woman does it she is completely dumbfounded by the results???   She got even angrier and hung up the phone on me.   When I arrived behind her I proceded to congratulate her on her driving skills in a most sarcastic tone of voice.   This earned me no brownie points and not even a chance of a blowjob later.    Thats OK though I sometimes would rather jerk off.     She showed me a shirt she bought me as a gift about 10 minutes later.   She told me about the shirt before we went out and said I may or may not like it…..this left me options and as a man I like options.   When I was given the shirt it had these 2 gay skeleton parodies of the silver naked women sitting back to back you see on kick ass tractor trailer mud flaps.    I immediately thought… WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE SILVER TITS ON THESE 2 ANMIATED WHORES!?!?!    As would be expected, I did not like the shirt.    This pissed her off even though I was given an out before hand.    The reaon she was pissed….my pointing out her flaws in the driving department.  What the fuck does that have to do with the shitty pseudo-hippy shirt she bought me?  I sometimes suspect that there is a quota that the DMV has to fill on passing women drivers which is why so many have their license.    The moral of this is….  if a woman cannot drive, dont let her buy you a fucking gift because she will just get pissed off that you did not like IT or her driving skills in the same instance.